Moving to Wordpress

Back in January I started a Wordpress site with the intention of transitioning away from Blogger. Well, it sort of got buried beneath a pile of academics and work for a semester, and then I had simply forgotten about it until recently. So, I logged in, did a little work on the theme, imported my blog posts, and observed the differences between the sites for a week before deciding which one to stick with.

I chose Wordpress.

Here's why: reliability. I'm actually surrendering a feature that I've come to appreciate so much on Blogger, that being the ability to use my own CSS without having to pay for a "premium" account, but this singular advantage has found itself grossly outweighed by the fact that Blogger is unreliable at best, unstable at normal, and outright unusable at worst. Here's what I mean: I've had multiple instances on Blogger where I'll write a post, publish it, and then come back later to find out that it hadn't published. Sometimes, these "published but not published" posts would revert themselves back to early drafts, and I'd have to either re-write the whole thing from memory, or abandon it out of frustration. What's more, I've had instances where a post I'm nowhere near ready to publish will somehow publish itself. The most recent incident with this was part two of my series on depression; a post that is maybe halfway written in draft suddenly went public and I didn't catch it until probably 9-10 hours after it went live.

Wordpress offers my solution to these problems and more. Organizing posts on Blogger pretty much has to be done via the label (tagging) system, the stock themes are horrible and even worse to try to customize (you'd basically have to write your own page from scratch if you want something that functions well), whereas on Wordpress there are stock themes with organization built in. For what I'm doing, I no longer have to spend hours upon hours tinkering with code to add more functionality to my page. The only bit of functionality I've lost in the transition is the arbitrary animation of my social media icons (they would go from 75% opacity to 100% and tilt 30 degrees clockwise when your cursor hovers over them). While I would like to find a way to get this back, it's not necessary.

Anyway, all of this is to say that this will be my last post on Blogger. You can find my new site up and running over at http://epitomeoftoast.wordpress.com.

See you there!

PS: If you subscribed to this blog, you will need to re-subscribe to the new one. I do apologize for any inconvenience this causes.

[This is Music] Song of the day: Haven (Conveyer)

I've basically been in love with Conveyer's music ever since I first listened to "Worn Out," but that's not exactly the reason why I chose Conveyer's new single "Haven" to be my Song of the Day. I met Conveyer's current vocalist, Danny, at a coffee shop in Wisconsin back in 2012 when he was with All Became New. Hearing his story of faith encouraged me to press on toward the goal of the gospel, and though I did fall out along the way, "Slumlord's Prayer" (by All Became New) was something that I held onto for encouragement. The line, "No longer sleeping with doors painted red, we laugh in the face of death as we pass over it," became incredibly real to me, like a beacon of light that found me no matter how deep I sank. In 2014, I met Danny again, this time with Conveyer, and we shared stories of faith and doubt and learning and growing and understanding this thing called "grace". Once again, I was encourage to press on and fight the good fight of faith. It was one of those conversations that left me convinced it was orchestrated by God.

When I heard Haven, I could feel the lyrics deep in my soul; even on a day when I was very depressed and feeling emotionally and physically numb, there was something powerful in the song that seemed to wake me up. It is extremely rare for music to have that effect on me anymore, but I think there was something about knowing it was Danny singing those words that brought my mind back to our conversations in 2012 and 2014, reminding me that it's okay to have doubts and struggles, but that I shouldn't doubt God's power to change lives (even my own). I'm still called to press on toward the goal of the gospel, no matter how many times I have to keep getting back up.

Thanks Danny.



Lyrics:

This is my aberration from the world I've come to know
Opposed to all that hinders the freedom of my soul
Faithless in a future disregarding my conviction
Remove me from the mindset of man

I hope I'm not just counting down the days
Until I relapse and forget to relate
There's got to be more than what we're all conditioned to expect
From this self-centered world of hate and regret, pain and neglect
I'm trying my best

I've had a change of heart
You have captivated this man
I will sing praises to show them
A chorus carried up on high

Ignoring importance, ignoring the critical
Existential urgency
Ignoring our purpose, ignoring the vital
Bled dry by apathy
Avoiding moral imperative

Dead without life, an end with no means
A population of selfish men who have no one to blame but themselves
The world is plain and simple; depravity of the heart
Living in a constant spiral of moral disregard
You will be my Haven for the rest of my days
Refine me from my self-centered ways

[This is Music] SOTD: Dissimulation

The piece I've chosen to be my song of the day is "The Awakening (Dissimulation)" by Hope for the Dying, the title track from their (fantastically well done) album, "Dissimulation." The reason I chose it is because the lyrics really encouraged me today: that I have been offered a new beginning, to die to sin and live a new life in Christ. That grace, that new beginning, is something that I hope I never take for granted. Even if you're not into metal, the message of these lyrics is profound. I hope you can be as encouraged by this as I was.

Lyrics:

How could this be
That out of the darkness
A light has been cast upon me?
And what would I do
If my own irreverence
Forever kept me from the truth?
I've watched the aging face
In the reflection stare at me;
Watching hour by hour
He affords no sympathy.
I've tried to dim the lights
To avoid accusing stares
But He always find my eyes
and reminds me who I am.
I've felt the hand of mercy
Reaching down for me
To pull me from the trenches
To calm the stormy seas
To wash me in the waters
To cleanse me in the blood
To start my new beginning
And vanquish what I was

Day Trip

Today I took a day trip to St. Louis! It may seem foolish, to drive 2 1/2 hours each way just to spend a few hours there, but it was a much-needed and well-timed escape. My original reason for going was simply to pick up my new CPU from the Microcenter in Brentwood, but after a long and busy week punctuated by more anxiety attacks, I was in need of something spontaneous to clear my head for a while. So I texted a friend who I knew to be in St. Louis and made plans to hang out with them for the day. Then, like any sane person, I woke up at 7am on a Saturday so I could get in my car and drive 2 1/2 hours so I could spend a bunch of money (please note my sarcasm).

Anyway, I was pretty stoked when I got to Microcenter. I tried to apply for a Microcenter credit card, but you know how it goes: "Oh, you're 20-something and don't really have a credit history? Of course you can't have one of our cards." Alas. My friend showed, I paid for my CPU (look at that lovely Intel Core i7-5820k in the picture) and we spent the next hour or so walking around the store, ogling geeky technological things that we can't afford; eventually we decided to leave. Then she took me into this store called "Five Below" which, as its name suggests, has nothing over $5. So I picked up this lovely Storm Trooper t-shirt for, you guessed it, five bucks! I thought I was cleverly getting away with something, but then they got me at the checkout with a box of buttons; I couldn't resist a couple that I hadn't seen before which I immediately decided that, for a dollar each, absolutely needed to be added to my collection. From there I dropped my car off for an oil change at Dobbs, some chain-looking auto service place right next to Microcenter (this may seem irrelevant to the story right now, but wait until later).

On we went to the mall, where we stumbled into Teavana (I'm not really sure how to pronounce the name, but it's a tea shop) and I found this bag of amazing oolong that is actually off-limits for consumption until fall (I'll write more about it when the time comes). I then re-discovered how much I don't actually know how to properly go about eating a Chipotle burrito, but salvaged some dignity by reminding myself how delicious an iced mocha is when it's hot and I'm tired. We also found a Microsoft store, which made me a little happy; it was the first time I'd ever seen one in the wild and it was good to know that there stands a contender to the sucker-baiting Apple stores. Though in all honesty, it only made me want to return to Microcenter to play around with their gadgets. After the mall we trolled around some random shops that were clearly designed for people with moderately inflated budgets, and finally found a place that I could get excited about!

The record shop.

The store is called Euclid Records and if you're ever in the Brentwood, STL area, you should definitely check it out. They have probably the biggest selection of used CDs I've ever seen, and most of them are actually good. To give you an idea, I perused for probably close to 45 minutes and only saw about half the collection. Nevertheless, I was able to walk out with a Switchfoot CD that (oddly enough) is now the first one in my own collection, and another CD by an artist whom I only knew one song from: ImaRobot! The CD turned out to be cool (I definitely listened to it twice on my way back to Moberly), but I still think this is the song that will forever play in my mind whenever I think of the band:



Anyway, after the record shop I got a call from Dobb's to let me know that my car was ready for pickup, and also to let me know something that came as a bit of a bummer: my serpentine belt is cracked. He asked if I wanted to go ahead and have them replace it, but after he stated the price, I figured "well, I don't really know how long it's been cracked, but my guess is it'll still get me back home and let me tool around for a couple weeks until I can buy the belt and get one of my auto-mechanically-inclined friends to help me with it." So, with that thought in mind, I did what any sane person would do and told them to leave it be. My friend drove me back to pick up my car, and we decided to part ways for the day; it was barely 4:00, but I was already getting pretty tired and didn't want to find myself nodding off while driving home.

And here I am now, sitting up late and wondering how I'm still awake as I type away at this post. I suspect I'll be exhausted again tomorrow, and don't expect the upcoming week to provide any relief in that department. If anything, I'm going to be even more tired by the end of it because I have things to get caught up on before the semester starts in a measly 18 days (I can honestly say this is the first time I find myself not particularly looking forward to it). That aside, get ready for some more posts; I am planning to write more regularly, and part two of a series I started previously is nearing completion.

I wonder how many grains of rice are in a Chipotle burrito.

[This is Music] Song of the Day: Messy Masterpiece

There are a few reasons why I chose this to be my song of the day, but right now I need its encouragement to remind me that despite how messed up I am, I'm still loved immeasurably by the God of the universe. Even aside from anxiety and depression, it's so easy to get down on myself for the mistakes I make on a daily basis: the things I think that shouldn't really be passing through my mind, the way I look at people, the things I sometimes mutter under my breath in frustration, or even the attitudes I hold toward certain things. Yet, "As you look upon your messy masterpiece, my heart beats one step ahead of my feet."

Hopefully you can be as encouraged by this as I am.

Lyrics:

Son, you are my song, let's hear something beautiful.
As you look upon your messy masterpiece, my heart beats one step ahead of my feet.
"No guilt in life, no fear in death; from life's first cry to final breath;
No power of hell, no scheme of man can ever pluck me from my Father's hand."

Love of the Father is the only hope for a wayward son.
Blood and water paved the painful road home, done.
Grace and mercy come with every single morning dawn.
This heavenly heartbeat's the only reason I can carry on.

Kid, see yourself through your Father's eyes;
It's not the same shade as the world cries.

I confess, I don't know much about love;
Where it's from is just so high above.
But until my time arrives, love is the reason I'm alive.
Son, you are my song, let's hear something beautiful.
As you look upon your messy masterpiece, my heart beats one step ahead of my feet.

[This is Music] Album of the Day: Being as an Ocean

I used to do these "song of the day" posts, now I think I'll add to it with some "Album of the Day" posts. Of course, you probably shouldn't bank on these happening every single day.

Anyway, today's album is Being as an Ocean's self-titled record. My reason why? Honest guys talking honestly about struggles with faith, and it's freaking awesome to listen to. Enjoy.

A Day in the Life (Vlog)

Due to a Blogger glitch (I promise it wasn't my fault), this blog post didn't actually go public the first time I clicked "Publish", despite appearing to me as though it did. Not only that, but it had reverted itself to a draft I had originally written using the mobile app. So, with that in mind, I am now re-posting in hopes that this will actually reach you, the reader. Though, I have to admit, even I find it pretty lame that a vlog I uploaded FOUR DAYS AGO is finally making it here. 

Sorry guys, I've just been busy.

This post is actually a vlog, and should hopefully tie you over until I do some much-needed updates to the appearance of my blog. I promise I'll do more actual writing soon. In fact, part two of Living with Depression is already in the works, and I have a few other concepts bouncing around in my head that I'd love to start writing about. Anyway, enjoy this little video. I even recorded my own music for it!